They say motherhood comes naturally to women. All I felt was numbness. After a cesarean birthing procedure, all I wanted to do was sleep. I was tired, hungry and worn out in addition to being drugged.
For about 2 days after my procedure, I could still feel a few thumps and bumps in tummy and so, I was more irritated with the little bundle that was thrust upon me for hourly feeds. I didn’t bond with the angel who slept by me. I was irritated at being asked to drag my worn body and feed the kid and change diapers.
In India, we are used a type of support system. God however, had different plans for me. My husband who was left juggling between me, the baby and the hospital requirements was exasperated. More so, he wasn’t around when I needed help because of some requirement or the other.
But one night post my procedure, I ended up with some clots that resulted in my being rushed in for a DnC. In the operating room, staring at that light came my bazinga moment when I realized that the little doll upstairs was the angel I had been waiting for. Memories of holding the little bundle and his first feed rushed to me.
From the moment I realized that, I was so overcome by this surge of emotion. I couldn’t stay in the Operating theater any longer, I was eager to rush back and hold my doll, snuggle him and shower him with kisses. The pain didn’t matter any more. All that mattered was my little baby was fine, I had lived through it all and life henceforth was going to be great. It was joy, it was happiness.It was pure love.
I was moved to my room. In the cradle slept my baby. I rushed (read as moved at snail’s pace.) to him, picked him up and tenderly snuggled him as a cooed my usual rhyme to him.
Waaahhhh!!! he started crying..! and didn’t sleep for the next few hours..!!
LESSON 1: Duh.! Let sleeping babies lie.