Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live and constantly cook for Anton Ego, the imperious food critic from Ratatouille whose review makes or breaks a restaurant.
Well, if you did, look no further, I am living with him. The only point of consideration is that he is two years old and when not eating, creates a ruckus. Its a fact that feeding toddlers is a humungus task, but imagine feeding a toddler critic? Damn my stars..!
At (every single god-damn) meal time, Pogo gives his dinner plate the quintessential Anton Ego certified scrutinizing glance, a sad nod (in slow-motion) followed by walking away (without tasting the food). Now, the mother in me, worried that her baby munchkin didn’t eat, rushes back to kitchen to bring out another star dish (well, anything that isn’t burnt, over cooked or out-right disgusting is a star dish).
Enthused by the new dish, pogo takes a bite. (Happy dance time..! …….No wait.. Damn.. will I ever get to do the Happy dance..!?) Once a critic always a critic. One mouthful of food, describes to Pogo what a plateful doesn’t to me. Again, with a nonchalant look, he walks away.! (Sometimes, he even spits the few morsels he takes -Grrr..) I grab a mouthful to taste the food and it’s delicious (or as delicious as my dishes can be..) I am completely baffled by Pogo’s complete lack of interest in my dishes and with new found vigor (read insulted at Pogo’s disinterested nod) to prove my expert culinary skills (which starts and ends at boiling water) I rush to the kitchen (again..!) to make dish no.3.
After ransacking my tiny head for dish ideas, a huff, and a puff and (a lot of) tumbling dishes later, I successfully prepare dish no. 3 (which is an equally star dish) and present my final achievement for Pogo’s scrutiny. (and hopefully, approval). Pogo says, “Oh ho amma” a nonchalant nod (again), walks up to the table, grabs a banana, peels, takes a bite and says “nanana yummm”
Exhausted, exasperated and completely baffled, I sit down to gobble up all 3 dishes (so as to not waste food) As I continue to wonder, how a banana stole the show to my amazement at why I never reach size zero..!
Parenting 101: Always keep a banana handy. Alas, God is the best chef.